SATNAV A poem by Pam Ayers

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I have a little Satnav, it sits there in my car
A Satnav is a driver’s friend – it tells you where you are.
I have a little Satnav, I’ve had it all my life,
It’s better than the normal ones – my Satnav is my wife.
It gives me full instructions, especially how to drive,
“It’s sixty miles an hour” it says, “You’re doing sixty five”.
It tells me when to stop and start, and when to use the brake,
And tells me that it’s never safe for me to overtake.
It tells me when a light is red and when it goes to green,
It seems to know instinctively when to intervene.
It lists the vehicles in front and all those to the rear,
And taking this into account it specifies my gear.
I’m sure no other driver has so helpful a device,
For when we lock the car it still gives me advice.
It fills me up with counselling, each journey pretty fraught.
So why don’t I exchange it and get a better sort?
Ah well you see, it cleans the house, makes sure I’m properly fed,
It washes all my shirts and things and keeps me warm in bed!
Despite all these advantages and my tendency to scoff,
I only wish that now and then I could turn the b....r off!

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