Diets

At 60 years old, I’m into my first 'diet' of my life. Every year, just after Christmas we go away with up to 14 friends with our dogs. We rent a huge house somewhere nice with plenty of walks nearby and we spend the new year there. I’m the breakfast chef, I’m very generous with my portions and everyone comes home bigger than they were when they arrived. Every year the same women pledge a diet for the new year. This year, they not so politely hinted that I could join them if I wanted. Cheeky cows! Anyway, one of them suggested we did it for money, £20 each, winner takes all so I agreed to give it a go. The winner will be the one that loses the biggest percentage of our starting body weight. The rules are that we weigh ourself every Tuesday in a Boots store and post a picture of our weight ticket on the WhatsApp group that they started. The final weigh in is next Tuesday, 3rd April. I’ve wiped the bloody floor with 'em! 😂 I started out at 16st 12lb and this morning I was 15st exact on my home scales in my boxer shorts. My scales read slightly over so that normally shows the same weight in Boots with some clothes on. Thing is, I don’t feel like I’ve really dieted. I stopped eating half a dozen digestives with my morning cuppa, I have my breakfast at work so that I can last out to my single home-made sandwich and piece of fruit for lunch. No chocolate or crisps throughout the day, eat just my own dinner in the evening and not finish off the Mrs M's. If I need a snack, I either have a few bits of celery or some carrot batons dipped in houmous and I’ve cut out my evening slab of cheese and biscuits before bed. Oh, and cut down on my alcohol - we used to have a bottle a night between us from Thursday to Sunday with me having the lions share. Now we have just one bottle a week - a small glass each with our evening meal on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Maybe I have been on a diet!

Anyway, the one thing I’ve learned about women and diets is that they can’t take a bloody joke. Boy, do I get some stick on the WhatsApp group when I comment on some of their pathetic efforts. I can feel the hate. When I posted a YouTube link to the 'show me the money’ clip from the film Jerry Maguire on the WhatsApp group yesterday, I was met with language that I never thought possible from women. It’s certainly a me and them situation. I’m under a warning from Mrs M to stop teasing her mates.

They have girly beach holiday break coming up in 8 weeks time. Mrs M tells me that the same diet group are planning to start another 'pre holiday' diet straight after this one and unsurprisingly, I won’t be welcome in their WhatsApp group. Ah well, if you can’t join 'em, beat 'em is my motto so I’ll be continuing with my diet and sending them all individual pictures of my tickets - just for encouragement. 😂